Sry I called you an 8
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
