my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
