I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
