i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
