Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
