Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
