Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
