Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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