Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
