You're so nebulous sometimes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
