This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His hands were made for my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
