she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
