i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
