bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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