I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
