Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
