we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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