I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
