so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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