Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
