I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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