So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
