Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
