i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
