i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
