i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
