Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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