I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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