i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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