He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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