Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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