Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
