Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
