Define "chronic" masturbator.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
