I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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