I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
