I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
