The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize