all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
