batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My life is pants optional.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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