here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
