Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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