Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
