so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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