The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
