Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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