Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
