Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
