haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize