I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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