i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
