While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so let's talk penis.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
