My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
