Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
