I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
