okay pat passed out under dana's car
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
