Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
