My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
