he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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