no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
