I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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